Should gay man keep homophobe friends?

DEAR AMY: I am a 61-year-old gay man. My parents (born in 1908 and 1914) and both of my brothers accepted me for who I am. I am out to most of my friends and family. I have been friends with a classical musician, his wife and son for nearly eight years. I first became uncomfortable when the musician started referring to members of his orchestra who were gay using extremely offensive terms, but I maintained the friendship because they were good people, even though I found these comments cruel and demeaning. After many years of friendship, I finally told the wife I was gay, and she said, "Well, you shouldn't talk about it." This hurt me very much; we had all been very close. I got angry and cut off the call. The phone rang a few times after that, but I was hurt and did not answer. Where should I go from here?Disappointed Friend

DEAR FRIEND: Like a good symphony, you should let this play out until you hear the final notes, indicating some kind of resolution. However, the resolution here will most likely not be in the repairing of your relationship, but in a choice you will have to make to let this friendship go.

You should give your friends the opportunity to renounce their point of view, but understand that while they may apologize to you personally, their views may remain unchanged. Let's say your friends contact you to say, "We like you and would never speak ill of you. It's the other gays we can't stand to be around." Would you want to resume a friendship under these circumstances? I doubt it.

DEAR AMY: "Sad in Sausalito" said her husband had "mini-tantrums" whenever she wanted to make an unscheduled stop while out together. The best solution would be for each of them to trade off choosing a stop. Compromise, Amy! That's the ticket!Faithful Reader

DEAR FAITHFUL: I agree.