Should her secret die with her son?

DEAR AMY: I am a 66-year-old woman. When I was 22, I became pregnant. It was the early 1960s. The child's father was not in the picture. My family took me in. I had a beautiful little boy who became the light of our lives. When my baby was 18 months old, I met a young man whom I married. He loved my son and very soon became his legal adopted father. When my son was 5 years old I gave birth to twins. We had never told our son anything about who his real "dad" was, and he lived his life as the child of both of us. His twin sister and brother never were told, either, but of course many family members were aware that he was my child and adopted by my husband. It has always bothered me that I was never truthful with my children, but I pushed it down because I thought it was best. The day after Christmas last year, my son died in an auto accident. He was 43, unmarried and no children of his own. My life has changed forever. I have never known such sadness, loss and guilt. Something tells me I should gather my remaining family together -- both kids are married and there are five grandsons now -- and tell them the truth of their brother. My husband is not sure this is a good idea or is even necessary. As I grow older, I feel a real need to finally be honest about my past. I know the two remaining children will not reject any of us. I just would like for them to know the truth, and while I am still alive to be able to answer any questions they might have. Should I tell or let it go? Grieving

DEAR GRIEVING: I am so sorry for your loss.

Please tell your family the truth about your life. It is clear that you want to. I don't imagine that this disclosure will ease your grief and loss. But it will ease your guilt over keeping a fact about your life that you deserve to talk about. Times have changed. The stigma over this has lessened.

This will also give your family an opportunity to continue to comfort one another, perhaps in a new way.