Should kids know that Dad's tracking them?

DEAR AMY: I have two girls in the seventh and ninth grades. I love them dearly and often worry about their whereabouts. I'd like to install a GPS location-tracking program on their cellphones, but my wife says it is deceitful to do it without telling them. Telling them would probably compromise the technology. My wife would rather believe them and trust their explanation. I don't see "trust" as being the issue if they don't come home one night. I'd like to know where they are instead of relying on where they say they are. So, what do you advise on the electronic monitoring of minor children?Concerned in WisconsinDEAR CONCERNED: I am completely, totally and utterly opposed to installing tracking or monitoring technology on kids' devices without their knowledge. This sort of tracking device can create unintended and dangerous consequences. For instance, let's imagine the worst happens and your child is abducted. This tracking technology can easily be used to throw anyone searching off course, wasting valuable time.

Most important, it creates the dangerous illusion and a false sense of security that you can use technology in place of teaching values and doing the hard parenting work of trusting and verifying.

You cannot use technology to mitigate the work (or risks) of parenting. Your kids need to believe that you expect them to be truthful, and if they are not, you will find out, and they will bear the consequences.

You should confirm their whereabouts the old-fashioned way -- by getting to know their friends, calling other parents to verify plans, and by driving them from place to place and occasionally showing up early.

For a professional perspective on issues of trust and safety, read security expert Gavin de Becker's important book, "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane)" (2000, Dell).