Silent treatment is ruining her marriage

DEAR AMY: My husband and I are on "silent treatment" for close to three months now! It all started when we got into an argument and he made a statement: "The only reason I'm with you is because my daughter needs a mom." I was very hurt by this statement and decided to use the guest bedroom until he feels he needs a wife. It's been three months, and there are no signs he's even making an attempt to sort things out. Is it over? In the past, he has made similar statements that hurt me, such as, "You are not a priority for me." He has said, "I don't miss you" when we were on silent treatment in the past. Every single time, even though he is at fault, he expects me to break the silence and bring us back to normal. He avoids discussion and likes to brush things under the carpet. I want to talk about it and resolve it; however, I don't want to raise the white flag and initiate the conversation. What do you think I should do?

--Hurt Wife

DEAR HURT: The way you describe the situation -- with two parents locked into a silent war -- it sounds angry, oppressive, depressing and sad. You may think that because you and your husband each interact with this daughter separately she is not aware of the dynamic between you, but I assure you, she sees everything. And this sort of unhealthy dynamic and discord affects her greatly.

Your husband is not the only person to brush things under the carpet. I suspect if you took a look under your carpet you would find a multitude of issues -- some put there by you. As long as you see every issue in your household as being your husband's fault and responsibility, you will never find resolution. If you see initiating a conversation as a form of surrender, you will never find peace.

See a counselor or mediator who can help you two come to terms. And if you cannot, then I do think your marriage is over.