Single File: A 24-year-old male virgin is in no hurry

DEAR SUSAN: I'm one of those "slow" guys you've mentioned in your column. At age 24, my good sense tells me to proceed cautiously when pursuing a woman. And because of that, I've lost lots of girlfriends who were only after sex. I happen to be a virgin, and I've decided to remain that way until I meet the right woman. Funny thing is, I've actually been dumped because I wouldn't have sex! How's that for turning the tables?

--Matt M., Long Island

DEAR MATT: Sounds good to me. Yours is one reversal that, instead of holding you back, actually propels you forward, putting you in a good position to make the next right decision. And so far, your slow and steady game plan probably makes you sleep quite well when your head hits the pillow. No regrets, no second thoughts, no indecision. Simply a clear conscience with a clear mind. That's just about nirvana for anyone, particularly someone in the single world, where various sexual choices always are on the menu. As a person of 24 years, you're more man than some of your older brothers - and sisters. Yes, you're turning the tables on the usual scenario, in which a woman is bedded in the name of conquest. For you, slow and steady does indeed win the race. I, for one, am in awe.

DEAR SUSAN: My boyfriend wants to have sex, but I'm not ready. When we're at college, he hurts me. One time, he twisted my arms behind my back and then kissed me. (My arms were sore for three days.) Every time I refuse, he gets angry, sometimes pinching me. I'm scared to break up because I'm scared of rape. What can I do?

Gloria B., Portland, Ore.

DEAR GLORIA: There are many things you can do, and I suggest you bring your folks into this unhealthy situation to figure out which is best. They must know what's going on so they can be on your side. With them, figure out a way to quickly get out of this "relationship." The three of you might contact his parents. Consider transferring to another college. Talk to a rape specialist in your town or on campus; report the situation. This future wife beater is certainly not your friend, so stop thinking of him as your boyfriend. He's a menace with only bad intentions toward you, so you must take the relationship very, very seriously. Again, start with your folks. Huddle with them and figure out a plan of action and what experts to consult. This is to be taken seriously because, left unchecked, it could develop into a traumatic situation. Right now, make a list of all the people you can call. Tell your housemother, your parents, the campus crisis center. Take action right away.