Single File: A man isn’t a happily-ever-after
DEAR SUSAN: It’s so true that it takes work to prevent your man from representing all in your life. That means plenty of activities without him and mindfully avoiding the temptation to see him as some sort of savior/noble knight rescuing you from a humdrum life. That’s a huge temptation for many people — to regard each date as one’s own personal happily-ever-after (and salvation from further dating) and to rush to that happily-ever-after. The best thing is to consciously appreciate the things you like about your single life — and relish the fact that you don’t need to get married just for the sake of being married. Enjoy the slowness of the relationship.
— From the “Single File” blog
DEAR BLOGGER: That slowness factor, new to this generation of women, doesn’t get much press, but it absolutely must be recognized for the luxury it is. Our own mothers didn’t have it, and many women in other cultures today don’t (yet) have it. Masks slip with time, but a good relationship, with shared values and mutual respect, only deepens as it grows. Time is the ultimate test of togetherness, so it makes great good sense to enjoy the advantages of your singleness while in a promising relationship, appreciating the breathing space it gives the relationship. That lets it unfold gradually and gives it better odds of providing a happiness that has had time to prove itself.
DEAR SUSAN: It seems to me women have a pet peeve about the constant boundary pushing they get from the “nice” men who make sure they stand a little too close, are a little too handsy and take a few too many liberties with a woman’s body and/or reputation. Usually, everyone rallies around the boundary pusher and pressures the woman to give him a chance “because he’s so nice,” when in reality he’s simply a well-socialized creep. Dating a jerk, on the other hand, is no walk in the park, but at least you know where you stand — and you don’t constantly have the feeling you’re being set up for something.
— From the “Single File” blog
'If you don't address demand, you don't address the problem' Police are only addressing the supply, but demand is what fuels the illicit sex trade, experts say. Newsday political reporter Bahar Ostadan has the story.
'If you don't address demand, you don't address the problem' Police are only addressing the supply, but demand is what fuels the illicit sex trade, experts say. Newsday political reporter Bahar Ostadan has the story.
