Single File: Rejection not exclusive to women

DEAR SUSAN: Wow. One non-call and a "Single File" blogger decides he knows all about the "hurt and disillusionment" of rejection. Welcome to the world of women, blogger, most of whom have had lots of men say they'll phone but never call.

From the "Single File" blogDEAR BLOGGER: Rejection was never the exclusive domain of the female gender. Believe me, the promised call that never came has dealt a blow to the male ego plenty of times in the past -- the pain vicious in the pit of his stomach -- the only difference being fewer occurrences. But today, in this (hectic) time of equal-opportunity first moves, both sexes are logically eligible for the dubious honor of being rejected. As a friend of mine says, if you substitute "refusal" for "rejection," the slight can be somewhat better-handled, the stomach stab a tad gentler. Are you doubtful that a word substitution can be an ego buffer? Try it out. And send me your findings. This could make a difference in the single world.

DEAR SUSAN: For the blogger who isn't sure of the wisdom of dating someone much younger than he is, my thinking is that as long as she's happy dating him, why not? But in those reflective moments, he should remind himself that the age difference between them is nearly a generation wide -- and predictably will become glaring as more points of reference are discovered. On the other hand, if they are compatible right now and age isn't an issue, I think he should go for it.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: From all I've seen, researched and experienced, partners' age isn't nearly so powerful a factor in a relationship's success or longevity (not always linked) as the stage of their emotional development/maturity. That gem doesn't get wide coverage, but it is, in my opinion, the single most important consideration when structuring a close relationship. By the way, in my survey of single sexuality a few years back, the final query was, "Ideally, would you rather have one love for a lifetime or one at each stage of your emotional development?" The response was electric. Even the widowed and divorced, those who couldn't possibly hope to attain one lifetime love, confided a yearning for one (and only one) love, provided that the lover's emotional development would be in sync with their own. Interesting people, the unmarried.