Single File: She was knotty, now maybe she's nice

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 17, intelligent and pretty but bossy. Recently, my friends and I were making a silly video, and I, of course, directed and was the heroine. I was giving orders, and when it was time for me to be captured, I told them exactly how I was to be tied up. They used what felt like a zillion yards of rope and had me bound and gagged on the sofa for more than an hour while they took video of me struggling. When I realized how dopey I looked, I sat still but was furious. I'm trying to see the humor in this, but I feel like running away. -- Bossy Is All Tied Up, Long Island

DEAR BOSSY: Most people never get to see themselves as others do, to get the skinny from close friends who want you to be less bossy. You are aware of your less-appealing traits, but it could take this video to give you the impetus to do something about them! Lessons learned the hard way are remembered. It will make you modify annoying traits and be nicer to be with, for your gal friends and for your guy friends.As for running away, don't. You bring yourself wherever you go; there's no escaping yourself. Thank your friends for the camerawork and for helping you be a nicer person. That reaction will amaze them and make them think more of you.

DEAR SUSAN: I've been dating a woman on and off for seven years. Two years ago, while stationed overseas, I discovered I really love her. And she said she felt the same way! When I came home, though, she said she was seeing someone else. She tells me she loves both of us and can't give up either one. I love her too much to "share" her. Am I old-fashioned? -- Rick N., Long Island

DEAR RICK: Love does not stand sharing. Your woman is playing games that went out with the hoop skirt and crinoline. I suggest you give her plenty of space and lots of free weekends to ponder the imponderables of "loving" two men. And with that space and time, put some interesting possibilities into your life. Not dates, but definitely social mingling, places where you can form some relationships with potential. You know, a cooking or golf class, where common interests connect you to others in the room. The purpose is to engage your mind, stimulate your senses and get your mind off this silly situation. Show your strength by withdrawing from the competition this woman is hoping to create, but not before you tell her what you intend to do and why. Let her squirm while you go off and test the strength of your own feelings for her.