Single File: Tips for a happy marriage

DEAR SUSAN: My fiance and I are planning a September wedding. I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Is there something you could tell us that would help, a tip about this huge step?

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: A gerontologist at Cornell University has some wisdom to pass along, most of it centered around (what else?) mental attitude. Karl Pillemer is convinced that optimism is your most important escort as you walk toward the altar, because so much of what happens to you reflects your expectations.

Because the two of you are shaping a relationship that can carry both of you through a lifetime, make each day a new beginning. Put an affirmation into each morning, in which you say aloud your devotion to each other, your hopes and dreams for the future, your determination to spend a lifetime together.

Don't allow wedding conflicts to mar a glorious day -- and a bright future. One way to iron out a disagreement is to stop and ask which partner the issue is more important to, which makes it much easier for the other side to cave -- lovingly. Generally, use the period of wedding preparations as a testing ground and learning experience for both of you, an opportunity to practice reasonable ways to solve issues with each other. Allow him to have his say before interrupting. Don't let anger lead to snide, sarcastic remarks. Take a timeout if things get really heated; not everything needs to be solved immediately. Take the wedding preparations with a grain of salt; keep reminding yourself that this whole circus is much less important than the main event. You are about to marry your lifetime love.

DEAR SUSAN: In your book, you lay out resources that will make life easier for the single person. Could you repeat them? I'd like to better organize my life.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: If knowledge is power, then organized resources are the spine of successful singleness. I'd love to see you set up your own single file, a Rolodex of resources and services at your fingertips. Before you enter pertinent information on the card (in ink), you will need to speak to each resource to ensure cooperation when you need it.

Let's begin with a trustworthy, knowledgeable attorney (known to you and/or your family) who believes that wills and hefty bank balances are equally important to the unmarried; a local bank officer who is familiar with you; your landlord or a next-door neighbor; a trusted co-worker; an all-night grocery that delivers or is nearby; your old-girls network of friends and helpers; your financial planner; a 24-hour pharmacy; a physician familiar with your medical issues; and your insurance agent.

For the following, phone numbers should be visible on your night table: your police precinct, the fire department, an ambulance service, your employer, your garage or a taxi service, your auto club, Chinese and pizza restaurants, your power company, your gas company, and Dial-A-Prayer.

Don't forget your inner circle: your family and your BFF.

Post the emergency numbers near your kitchen phone, too. When numbers and names change, make new file cards. No scribbling or write-overs, if you please.

And when you've got this gem in place and complete, think about starting a helping network of good people -- good men, too -- with monthly meetings and shared phone numbers to keep things current and friendly. This network has social potential, but at the start, keep it solely for swapping resources. When you have these two projects in your life, you'll sleep more soundly. Promise.