DEAR AMY: Thirteen years ago, I had an affair and conceived a child. My son is now 12, and the husband I cheated on is now my ex-husband. My ex accepted and treats our son like his own. Never once, even in heated battles about care, money or school has he said, "He's not mine, so I don't care." I've never pulled the, "He's not your son" argument, either. In talking to my ex about the inevitable revelation of our son's actual father, my ex says he would prefer our son never know. I have remarried. My current husband says the decision is mine and he'll support it, but he thinks my son should be told the truth. I grew up without my dad, so seeing my ex-husband so freely take care of a child who is not his, I want to leave well enough alone. Yet there is a part of me that feels our son deserves to know the truth. My son's real father owes more than $700,000 in child support and chooses not to be a part of his life. Do I expose my son to that type of rejection when he has such a loving father whom he has known as his father his whole life? 
 --Questioning Mom 
 DEAR MOM: You grew up without a father. Your son grew up with a father. His dad is his father. The man you had an affair with is the biological father -- please don't use the terms "real" and "actual" to refer to him. 
 If at all possible, you, your ex and your current husband should meet in the office of a family counselor to talk this through. The truth should be disclosed. Your son is at an extremely tender age. Your counselor might suggest that you wait a few months. Your ex may choose to formally and legally adopt him. 
 You should also abandon any mention of child support. If you had wanted to make a child support claim, you should have handled it many years ago. 
 It would be a mistake to imply to your son that there is any sort of financial issue on the table.

DEAR AMY: Thirteen years ago, I had an affair and conceived a child. My son is now 12, and the husband I cheated on is now my ex-husband. My ex accepted and treats our son like his own. Never once, even in heated battles about care, money or school has he said, "He's not mine, so I don't care." I've never pulled the, "He's not your son" argument, either. In talking to my ex about the inevitable revelation of our son's actual father, my ex says he would prefer our son never know. I have remarried. My current husband says the decision is mine and he'll support it, but he thinks my son should be told the truth. I grew up without my dad, so seeing my ex-husband so freely take care of a child who is not his, I want to leave well enough alone. Yet there is a part of me that feels our son deserves to know the truth. My son's real father owes more than $700,000 in child support and chooses not to be a part of his life. Do I expose my son to that type of rejection when he has such a loving father whom he has known as his father his whole life? --Questioning Mom DEAR MOM: You grew up without a father. Your son grew up with a father. His dad is his father. The man you had an affair with is the biological father -- please don't use the terms "real" and "actual" to refer to him. If at all possible, you, your ex and your current husband should meet in the office of a family counselor to talk this through. The truth should be disclosed. Your son is at an extremely tender age. Your counselor might suggest that you wait a few months. Your ex may choose to formally and legally adopt him. You should also abandon any mention of child support. If you had wanted to make a child support claim, you should have handled it many years ago. It would be a mistake to imply to your son that there is any sort of financial issue on the table.

News

LSAMY07

Spare son dicey details of who's a father

Newsday

Homepage Trending

Newsday Investigates

First day of school on LI dates

Wallet Watch

FeedMe Magazine

NEWSDAY TV SHORTS

Vertical videos

From the Outlaw Festival to an LI Ducks game, check out all the fun things to do and explore this weekend.

What's up on LI this weekend

NewsdayTV's Ken Buffa heads to Mastic Seafood to slice some fish and shuck some oysters on this week's LI Works.

LI Works: Shucking oysters and hauling fish at a local seafood market

The country superstar performed at Nassau Coliseum and helped get books to Wyandanch kids. Newsday film critic Rafer Guzmán has more.

Remembering Dolly Parton

NewsdayTV's Doug Geed visits the Jamesport Farm Brewery, which has been recently purchased by the owners of Waterdrinker Farms.

Out East: Jamesport Farm Brewery

The Yankees' George Lombard Jr. and the Mets' A.J. Ewing went straight from high school to the pros. That might not be an option starting in 2028. NewsdayTV's Gregg Sarra reports.

Why MLB wants to make high school players ineligible for the amateur draft

Cleaning crews were hard at work after a tornado ripped through the Sun and Surf Beach Club in Atlantic Beach Thursday evening. NewsdayTV's Andrew Ehinger reports.

'It was just a whistling sound that came right through'

Newsday travel reporter Carissa Kellman learns about renting and driving a skiff boat at Ted's Fishing Station in Point Lookout.

Cruise Long Island's shoreline on your own private boat

Since girls flag football became an official sport in New York high schools in the spring of 2023, participation in the sport has increased nearly 70%, NewsdayTV's Jared Valluzzi reports.

Flag football taking over spring sports

Bonsai tree-making classes, trivia nights, mocktails and private events are among the ways local venues are trying to draw customers. Newsday business reporter Tory Parrish has more.

As Americans drink less, Long Island bars and breweries get creative 

Ken Buffa stopped by La Cucina Paisanos in Farmingville to try their "pull apart soul-bowls," which are bread bowls stuffed with pasta.

Trendy Bites: Get stuffed with these Italian 'soul-bowls'

<a href="https://www.newsday.com/video/newsdaytv-top-stories">Get more on these and other NewsdayTV stories</a>

Newsday TV

NewsdayTV Top Item

LIers missing in Nepal disaster ... Countdown to Hofstra strike ... 175-mile 'Greenway' plan ... Chicken finger hot spot

LIers missing in Nepal disaster ... No varsity football at Port Jeff ... Weekend weather forecast

News - megaslot

Newsday has the most up-to-date stories on Long Island & NTC. Join us & stay current with news articles on sports, business, health, technology & more.

Stay logged in.