Tab for rehearsal dinner mysteriously paid

DEAR AMY: Our son got married recently. We had the rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant. We had reserved ahead and submitted credit card information for billing. We were both unemployed at the time but had funds set aside for the occasion. We were surprised that we never received a bill. When we inquired, the contact person at the restaurant assured us that the event had been paid for but said they could not release credit card information. We think the bride's wealthy father picked up the tab and we are insulted. We've lost the opportunity to give my son and daughter-in-law a wonderful evening with friends and family. Our son hasn't said anything about who paid for the evening. How should we handle this awkward situation? Our other son (the best man) says it's water under the bridge and we should say/do nothing. What would you do if this happened to you?Frustrated

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I agree with you that something that might have been intended as an act of kindness is actually a violation of your privacy and a denial of your right to give this gift to your family.

You don't mention asking your son about this, but you should -- if only to clear up your confusion over who actually paid for the rehearsal dinner.

If he says his in-laws paid for the evening, get in touch with them. Thank them for their intention and generosity but tell them that you and your wife had budgeted for this expense and say you'd appreciate it if they would permit you to pay for the dinner.

After that, don't take this matter beyond the point of reimbursement.

Otherwise, it could quickly muddy your relationship with these new in-laws and negatively affect your perception of what should be a happy event.