Take the long view to save your marriage

Couples who have been together for a long time say the key to staying together is to work as a team toward the greater good, tolerating some tough (even tragic) times to grow together and work toward a mature kind of union.

Everything you report (pulling away, etc. after the trauma of your son's illness) seems a natural reaction to an incredibly challenging time. This is survivable, but you can't repair a relationship when you're on the fast track to dissolution.

You take the long view. You do not fill a giant void with dates. You fill the void with self-actualization. Be honest with your wife. Ask her to join you in counseling. If she won't go, attend on your own.