Teen calls adoptive dad 'an embarrassment'

DEAR AMY: I am a 52-year-old man, very successful in my career. I adopted my son two years ago as a single parent. He is 14 and in high school. He raised himself on the streets, with a drug addict mom and grandma. His mom was 13 when she got pregnant with him. Recently I jokingly told my son that I was going to watch him practice for a "sweet 15" dance he is going to attend. He told me if I did he would immediately leave/quit. Later I asked him about this, and he stated that I am "an embarrassment." My heart broke, but I didn't say anything. I am extremely protective, which he resents. As a result, he is dishonest, pretty consistently. I love my son more than I have ever loved anyone. Did I bite off more than I can chew, or is this normal behavior?Heartbroken Dad

DEAR DAD: In at least one regard, your son's behavior is completely normal. No 14-year-old boy would want his dad to watch him practice for a "sweet 15" dance. This is a universal truth. Perhaps you can search your own memory bank to find an episode from your own life when you considered your parents to be too embarrassing to walk on the same side of the street as you.

Given the depravation in your son's early life and your own late start as a parent, you lack the wellspring of other experiences that would have helped you (both) prepare for this one.

He must see a counselor -- preferably a man to whom he can tell his story and vent about you -- and anything else in his life. You two must learn to communicate well. Take a very long view of his progress.

Spend time around other fathers and sons -- perhaps through sports, music or a game club. You must learn the toughest part of parenting -- to temper your protectiveness with compassion, understanding and good humor.

Don't expect him to express gratitude. His sole job is to grow up well. Your role is to be the mature and loving dad, forever in his corner.