Teen gets mixed signals about having sex

DEAR AMY: A few days ago, my 14-year-old daughter came to me and said she has been considering having sex with her boyfriend. We talked for a couple of hours about birth control and safe sex practices, and decided together that she should wait six months to see if she still has the same feelings toward this boy. At that time we would discuss the topic again. (I even noted it in my calendar.) What shocked me the most was when she told me she went to her grandmother (my mom) first, and my mother's response was, "Do what you want to do, as long as you are having fun." My mother even told her not to talk to me about this, because I would only get upset. My mouth dropped to the ground. When I try talking to my mother about this, she refuses to talk about it and says she has done nothing wrong. Both of my parents have been living with my two daughters and me for the past six months. I have been supporting my folks. I want to tell them to pack their stuff and get out! What is the best way to respond to this?

Miffed Mom

DEAR MIFFED: I appreciate your calm and open response to your daughter, but you don't mention ever telling her, explicitly, not to have sex.

I agree that the best place to learn about sex and birth control is from one's parents, but if you don't want your daughter to have sex, then you should also state this - emphatically.

You also should speak to her boyfriend to make sure he understands, unequivocally, where you stand.

Your mother overstepped her boundary. Her suggestion that your daughter keep this a secret from you is unconscionable.

If your daughter follows her grandmother's advice, you have a better-than-fair chance of supporting four generations of family in your household.

You should make sure that both your parents understand they must defer to you when it comes to all parenting questions - otherwise, you won't be able to live together.