Teen moved out and her mom is distraught

DEAR AMY: It has been almost two weeks since my 18-year-old daughter (the youngest of my six children) decided to move out of our family home. She is living with her boyfriend and his family, about 10 minutes away. She moved while I was out. Her father was upstairs sleeping. I was told that because of constant nagging and our threats to kick her out, she decided it was best to leave us. She blames her dad and me for her choice. She will be a senior in high school this year, and she has no job because she is too good to work in a fast-food restaurant. This has been a nightmare. Her father disowned her over the phone the first time she called after moving out. He's threatened to move out if she comes back home! I am grieving for her and cry constantly. I try not to verbalize my feelings when we talk, but it's so hard to wonder how long she can actually stay away from me. We were always close. I wanted to see her achieve many milestones this coming year. I'm having such a hard time with this.

--Distraught

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Some people choose a crooked path. This is not a tragedy; this is a story of a teen pushing back at her parents. Given the tension in your home, the fact that she isn't living at home might be best for everyone -- for now.

Assuming she is safe where she is, you should accept her choice, keep the lines of communication open and discourage your husband from making dramatic statements.

Tell her, "This is not what I want. But because you aren't living with us, we won't support you financially. You should find ways to contribute to the household where you're living. It sounds as if you need to get a job this summer." You will not be able to be a good and strong parent if you are a basket case about this. If you find you cannot control your emotions, you should talk to a therapist. A mediator could attempt to broker a solution.