Tell friend what you know about her fiance

DEAR AMY: A friend recently got engaged. We're all happy for her because she had a bad divorce. We're in later middle age. She and her fiance, a former classmate, reconnected through a social networking site. He recently moved across the country to be with her and has been chronically unemployed. She is the most trusting person I know, and all of her friends feel protective of her. Something made me look into his background, and I found a mug shot as well as an arrest for "aggravated stalking after an injunction." He also had to wear a home monitor. It could all be explained, I suppose, but there is a part of me that just has "that feeling." Do I just leave it alone, as she may already know, or somehow mention it?

--Dilemma

DEAR DILEMMA: Aggravated stalking is a charge leveled after a threat of violence and constitutes a necessary disclosure. Prepare yourself for this encounter, and assume that she will not be happy to hear it. She may blame you for bringing this to her attention.

However, you should be completely honest with her.

Give her all of the information you have -- including the links, etc., you used to track down this information.

Tell her that from now on this is her business and that you don't intend to dig further.

DEAR AMY: In response to the "Taxed Teacher," who didn't want to spend lunch with a complaining colleague, in my building, our "lunch crew" has a policy that if you want to air a workplace complaint, you must first put a dollar in a jar at the table. You then get a maximum of five minutes to air your grievance, and then we move on to more jovial topics. We use all the collected money to cater lunch for our group on the last day of classes.

--Relaxed Teacher

DEAR RELAXED: This is about the best idea I have ever heard. Thanks for passing it on.