The tangled web of sperm donation

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend of more than five years was approached by a woman he has had a working relationship with for about six months to donate sperm for her to have a child. She has offered him fair compensation, and has assured him he will not have to be a part of this child's life if he does not want to be. I want to be there for him if he does agree, but I feel scared of all the things that could happen. He is going to see a lawyer, so I feel comfortable with the legal issues; but the emotional aspect of this worries me. We're in our early 30s. We're not ready to start a family, nor are we even sure if we want to do so. He has a great heart, and I cannot imagine he would be happy having no relationship with a child. I'd feel different if it were an anonymous donation. How can I be supportive while facing my own insecurities?Dreading in Denver

DEAR DREADING: There are insecurities, but then there also are very real, very important and very challenging questions raised by this situation, and you should be absolutely honest and forthright. This plan presents an emotional, legal and ethical minefield.

Even if these two started out with a signed, airtight contract and money exchanged, babies have a way of subverting even the best-laid plans.

For instance, what if your boyfriend felt the mother wasn't a very good parent? What if the mother wanted your boyfriend and the child to have a relationship and he didn't want to? What if the mother wanted to hook up with a motorcycle gang, or enter the toddler in beauty pageants, or have the whole thing filmed for a reality show?

These two know each other professionally. How will your boyfriend feel to see baby pictures on the other person's desk? Will she be open or discreet about this arrangement? Will he? Will you?

Everybody involved should seek professional legal, ethical and emotional guidance.