Third-wheel roommate upsets relationship

DEAR AMY: I'm 25, and I've happily been with my boyfriend for the past six years. We moved in together last February and took on a roommate. I knew she was a lonely character before we signed our leases, but we had a lot in common and got along great. Things have changed (surprise). She is very needy and has formed a dependency on my boyfriend that has strained my relationship with him. Before this, most of our arguments consisted of minor bickering, but we were pretty open with one another.

What can I do? I've tried speaking to him, but it usually turns into a shouting match in which he accuses me of jealousy and insecurity. I'm beginning to feel like the third wheel in my own relationship.Lonely Girlfriend

DEAR LONELY: In interpersonal relationships, the triangle is the most challenging dynamic.

The relationship with your boyfriend should be the primary relationship for both of you. Your roommate's loneliness and neediness should be your mutual annoyance.

If this roommate gloms onto your boyfriend, your status as third wheel will change if you tell her, directly and simply, to take a step back.

DEAR AMY: "Sad Wife" expressed frustration that she couldn't talk to her husband about serious topics. My husband and I also find serious discussions difficult. At home. we have too many distractions. Sometimes we just get out of touch with each other. Our solution is to go for a drive. We're in the car, eyes on the road or scenery, and talking becomes nonconfrontational. Sometimes the drive lasts a few hours, a few times for a couple of days. (I carry overnight stuff in the trunk.) It's worked for us for 35 years. Happily Talking

DEAR TALKING: I completely agree with this technique. This also works very well for talking with kids.