This household needs a social worker

DEAR AMY: My eldest son, who is 30, and his 21-year-old girlfriend live with my wife and me. He has a 3-year-old son by this girlfriend, and the child also lives with us. She just gave birth to a baby girl who is not my son's biological child. I understand that she kept the baby because it was a girl and she wanted to have a girl. I do want to support my son, but we are not sure how to feel about this new development. My son is very dependent on us (mainly my wife). The girlfriend's family is extremely poor and doesn't seem to be supportive at all.

Honestly, I don't know if I want to help raise a child that isn't even related to us. I can tell that my son loves his girlfriend, but she doesn't seem to have the same feelings about him. Is there a better way to deal with the situation, or is it OK to just do what we are doing and see how it goes?Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: Let me try to paint a picture of your future: You and your wife will end up with a household of kids of various parentage -- along with two adults who are not equipped to support or raise them. That's what will happen if you continue to "do what you are doing and see how it goes."

Make sure that you and your wife are on the same page. Assert your point of view to your son and his girlfriend together. Unless you and your wife want to raise more babies, make your expectations and the consequences very clear.

Your whole family needs ongoing professional intervention. Set up a meeting with a social worker through your local social service agency and commit to regular meetings, goal-

setting and follow-through.

Your son and this young mom must work at a trade where they can support the kids. The girlfriend needs to learn about and use birth control. She has two children at a very young age -- with each successive pregnancy, her (and her kids') chances of success will plunge, and this pattern will continue.