Trust your husband to behave at bachelor party

DEAR AMY: My husband is a groomsman in his best friend's wedding. He was invited for a three-day bachelor party in another state and really wanted to go. I told him it was irresponsible for a married man with a child to party for three days and spend the kind of money that would have been involved. I suggested he do something with his friend locally to celebrate (i.e. enjoy a nice dinner or a round of golf). He decided not to go because he didn't want to upset me. It turned out that a bunch of the local guys who were invited couldn't go, and so now they are planning a large bachelor party here. Being closer only changes some of the financial concerns, not my emotional concerns. I feel that it is wrong for a married man to attend a bachelor party. He says I should trust him and that he would leave if they went somewhere inappropriate.

The whole idea of a bachelor party makes my stomach churn. My husband and his friends spent some time at a restaurant for his bachelor party. Am I being a prude to not want my husband to go?

--Old-Fashioned in Virginia

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: You should stop acting like your husband's mommy and start acting like a grown-up who is secure enough to trust her husband to make good choices.

Bachelor parties can be threatening territory for wives and partners.

But my spies of the opposite sex have told me that most often the biggest risk they face during a bachelor party is the embarrassment of getting someone else's drunken vomit on their shoes.

There are times in any good marriage when a spouse should say, "You're an adult. I love and trust you. Now get out there and have a good time - but not too good a time - and I'll be here when you get home." You don't sound inclined to say this, but you would astound your husband if you did - and that would be good for both of you.