DEAR AMY: I am in the process of reconciling with my ex-husband. There's just one problem standing in the way of our happiness. Both he and our grown daughter don't like the way I express my anger, especially through my tone of voice. 
 I admit that I get emotional and express it, but I maintain that everyone has emotions and should express them. Other people need to recognize how we feel; otherwise we are always hiding our feelings! For example, over the <a href="/topics//Thanksgiving">Thanksgiving</a> holiday, my ex and I were driving home from a visit to our children. I told him he was going 45 mph on the 65 mph expressway. He said my tone was nasty. I said I was just telling him the facts, but maybe my tone was a little impatient. I wasn't angry, so what's so terrible about expressing my impatience? I feel they're too touchy and won't allow me to express my feelings. What do you think? 
 --Emotional 
 DEAR EMOTIONAL: When the people who know and love you the most tell you the same thing, you have two choices: You can accept their criticism as an opportunity for change and growth, or you can get defensive, duck and cover, and deny the issue. 
 You have a right to express your emotions, anger and frustration. You even have a right to point out that Mr. Slowpoke is holding up traffic. 
 But you must acknowledge that a person's tone of voice and body language speak volumes. In that vein, I wonder if you have the courage to face a real-life experiment to see yourself the way others see you. 
 Ask your daughter and her father to imitate how you sound when you're "expressing" yourself. 
 Your job is to record their impersonations, laugh at yourself in the moment and then review the "game film" in private. 
 Ask yourself: Can you authentically and respectfully express your emotions differently?

DEAR AMY: I am in the process of reconciling with my ex-husband. There's just one problem standing in the way of our happiness. Both he and our grown daughter don't like the way I express my anger, especially through my tone of voice. I admit that I get emotional and express it, but I maintain that everyone has emotions and should express them. Other people need to recognize how we feel; otherwise we are always hiding our feelings! For example, over the Thanksgiving holiday, my ex and I were driving home from a visit to our children. I told him he was going 45 mph on the 65 mph expressway. He said my tone was nasty. I said I was just telling him the facts, but maybe my tone was a little impatient. I wasn't angry, so what's so terrible about expressing my impatience? I feel they're too touchy and won't allow me to express my feelings. What do you think? --Emotional DEAR EMOTIONAL: When the people who know and love you the most tell you the same thing, you have two choices: You can accept their criticism as an opportunity for change and growth, or you can get defensive, duck and cover, and deny the issue. You have a right to express your emotions, anger and frustration. You even have a right to point out that Mr. Slowpoke is holding up traffic. But you must acknowledge that a person's tone of voice and body language speak volumes. In that vein, I wonder if you have the courage to face a real-life experiment to see yourself the way others see you. Ask your daughter and her father to imitate how you sound when you're "expressing" yourself. Your job is to record their impersonations, laugh at yourself in the moment and then review the "game film" in private. Ask yourself: Can you authentically and respectfully express your emotions differently?

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