Try to understand friend's evangelizing

DEAR AMY: I have a close friend whom I have not seen in decades. I married a "nice Jewish boy," and we lead a secular life that is rich with family dinners and lively conversations about personal and public ethics. She married an evangelical Christian, and they work as missionaries. Two or three times, she has expressed concern about my life choices and how they will affect my chances of salvation. This year, she sent me a book, "an introduction" to accepting an evangelical lifestyle, with a note advising me to read the book and act by it. You can imagine our family dinner conversations now, and my husband's and kids' reactions. We've considered sending it back with a note that says you must have mistakenly sent this to me. My teenage son believes this is no different from a racist or sexist remark -- something we would never overlook. What should I do? Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: I think you should choose kindness and tolerance. The kindest, most accepting and "socially just" reaction would be to realize that your friend is a missionary. Missionaries spread the word. This is a core value for her. I assume that your core values involve diversity of thought, action and freedom of religion (or from religion) -- and so can you tolerate this religious expression from her? This is not akin to making a racist or sexist comment -- though the implication, of course, is that you are on the "wrong" path and must be set right. That's no fun, to be sure.

This presents an opportunity for you to teach your children about accepting the views and behavior of people who are very different from you. The next topic for your dinner conversation might be titled: "It is very easy to take offense. Can we do otherwise?"

DEAR AMY: You blew it on your answer to "Reader in Seattle," who was bothered by comments from people who saw him lunching with a female friend. He should never dine or even have coffee alone with another woman . This is disrespectful to his wife, no matter how innocent it is. And his wife should never be seen alone with another man. I spent 36 years as an engineer and never once went anywhere with another woman. I had at least two others with us if one of them was a female. When others see you with someone not your wife, it looks bad. Also, lunches and the like lead to familiarity and then affairs.Careful Engineer

DEAR CAREFUL: I understand your thinking, but your rules are antiquated, strict and also hard to enforce in a modern workplace, where colleagues and clients often must meet -- regardless of the number of chaperones.