Uncomfortable with girlfriend's disrespectful sons

DEAR AMY: I am a single dad of three children: a teenage boy and two adolescent girls. My girlfriend of one year is also a single parent. When I was at her house, her 11-year-old son used the toilet without closing the door. I asked him politely if he could do me a favor when my daughters were there and just close the door. He said, "No. I have never closed the door, and I will not start now." (My girlfriend explained that her father and brothers do this at their homes.) He refuses to use a seat belt and refuses to do chores. He and his older brother are disrespectful to their mother and other authority figures. She submits to their demands, saying she doesn't want to hear them complain. She asks me why they don't respect her but disregards my solutions. I feel uncomfortable trying to correct what I think is unacceptable behavior of someone else's children. I don't want my children exposed to this. How should I handle this? The simple answer is to break up with the woman - or I could limit my children's contact with her children, but she wants us all to vacation together, and we are very much in love.Good Parenting 101?DEAR PARENT: You can be wildly in love with your girlfriend, but you also must be permitted to love her kids. She is preventing this by allowing them to be unlovable.

Her son should close the door when using the bathroom, and his refusal to do so makes your response simple: You will not be able to bring your daughters around - either casually or on vacation.

This could be exactly what he wants, and if his mother lets her children rule her household and control her relationships with other adults, they will do exactly that.

This family could use your good example, and your girlfriend needs to be the parent her kids deserve to have. If she continues to resist your example, do your own kids the favor of sacrificing this relationship.