Unprotected sex at 80? Still a health risk

DEAR AMY: I am 80 years old. I have a male friend who is also 80, and we have been enjoying each other's company for more than a year. A while ago, he told me he has had another friend for a long time and he was having trouble giving her up. Meanwhile, our relationship has progressed. I think they see each other from time to time for several days at a time. I am not sure what type of relationship they have -- whether they are just friends or bed partners.

My problem is, I would like to know where that relationship stands as compared with the one he and I have. Our relationship has progressed to a point that I am very uncomfortable sleeping with him if he is sleeping with another woman. I have another male friend who would like to have a sexual relationship with me, but I just don't feel right about it. I don't know how to deal with this situation. What do you suggest?Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: There is an alarming and growing incidence of sexually transmitted disease among older people.

You might not want to think that you are at risk for an STD, but if you and your partner are sexually active with multiple partners, your first effort should be to visit your health care provider for a full screening for STDs, including HIV and cervical cancer.

Being in a sexual relationship with someone who has multiple partners presents emotional and physical risks. Have a frank discussion, and if you do not want to be in a relationship with him while he is seeing someone else, and if he won't alter his behavior or use a condom, then you should make the difficult choice to -- at the very least -- cease your sexual relationship with him.

DEAR AMY: I really enjoyed your column on Valentine's Day, in which you quoted elders about what makes marriage tick -- and last. My own experience is that communication is the key. If you can talk about everything, you can solve anything.Been There