Upset by daughter-in-law's Facebook rants

DEAR AMY: My daughter-in-law "Wendy" uses Facebook to complain. Her entries focus on how much she hates her job, her boss, how much she feels cheated by being a working mother, and even a post or two about the shortcomings of her new husband (my son), who apparently failed to buy her a lavish enough Mother's Day present. These posts create a kind of online persona that makes her seem almost vicious, and she really isn't that way. At least I never thought so before. But the really embarrassing part is that she is Facebook "friends" with everyone in my family, and, believe me, her posts are a topic of not-too-flattering gossip, along with some outright concern. My son is not on Facebook. I have mentioned to him a few times when her posts have become offensive, and he is trying to deal with it offline. Should I offer to have a talk with my daughter-in-law? Or just hope my son figures this out?

--Concerned Mother-in-law

DEAR CONCERNED: When your daughter-in-law posts her complaints, selfishness or negativity on the public bulletin board that is Facebook, she runs the risk of ruining her personal and professional reputation. And that's her business.

When her whining veers into family territory, that's your business.

You can assume that because her public online persona is unpleasant, your son is aware of her unpleasantness in the private, personal arena.

A gentle and respectful "heads-up" (to her) is in order -- and then you should back off, adjust your settings (both metaphorically and on Facebook) and stop reading her posts.

You can say to her, "I'm worried about some of your postings, especially when you write negative things about family members. It can create some hurt feelings, and I'm sure that's not your intent."