Upset over mom-brother feud over gay marriage

DEAR AMY: I'm the only daughter in a family of five siblings. Our father died several years ago, and I'm the child our mother relies on for emotional support. My two middle brothers and I are all married and have families. We're a close family, and though we live far apart, we make an effort to get together on the holidays. This year, however, things have fallen apart. My oldest brother is gay, and a month ago announced that he and his partner of five years are going to get married in the coming year. He would like the whole family to attend the wedding. All of us like his partner, and we are eager to attend. The problem is our mother. She has made it clear that she doesn't "believe" in gay marriage and will not attend or approve their union. My brother has told us that he will have nothing to do with her if she can't find it in her heart to go to her own son's wedding. To make matters worse, my youngest brother has just announced that he's also engaged - to a woman he met six months ago. Our mother is very excited about their wedding. The holidays are coming up, and my oldest brother is refusing to attend any family get-togethers with our mother present until she acknowledges his engagement and agrees to attend his wedding. She thinks he's being self-centered and immature (he's 50). I don't want to take sides. What can I do to make them both attend the same events?

--Caught in the Middle

DEAR CAUGHT: Your brother is understandably outraged over your mother's rejection, but he is penalizing other family members. You might point out to him that his behavior is strikingly similar to your mother's.

You could then tell your mother that she is being petty, illogical and unkind, and that you, personally, will not let her choice affect your other family relationships.

Then stay out of it.

These two will either work things out or they won't.