Use caution for online dating

DEAR AMY: Friends convinced me to created an online profile on two dating sites. I want to know if I can trust the potential dates I may meet, especially now with news reports surfacing from Aruba that a woman's disappearance is linked to a man she met on a dating site. As finding love online becomes increasingly socially acceptable, is it OK to pay for a background check, to know that your date does not have a criminal record?Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You cannot trust someone you meet online any more than you can trust a blind date set up from an acquaintance. You cannot trust him any more, but you shouldn't trust him any less, either.

There are always risks to meeting and dating people. Use all the common-sense rules to meeting a stranger you've met online that you would use for meeting any other potential date.

Meet for coffee (not alcohol) in a public place. Give a friend the date's online user name and contact information. Don't provide personal contact information, but communicate through the dating site.

If you are scared, follow your instincts. They are your greatest gift when it comes to your security.

It is OK to run a background check on a potential date, but this seems like a waste of time and your assets if you are checking everyone you intend to meet for coffee. Save the investigation for someone you are interested in having a second date with. The woman whose disappearance you refer to may have met a dangerous person online, but the technology isn't to blame. Use this incident to be cautious, careful and aware.

DEAR AMY: If "Office Bound" does not have a door to close to protect herself from her chatty co-worker, perhaps she can put a piece of yellow caution tape across the cubicle opening with a sign saying "open for work-related questions from (specific times)." I was a computer programmer/project manager for many years. My co-workers loved to bring me their problems. I wanted to help, so I set times -- once in the morning for about 15 minutes and once in the afternoon. Amazingly, lots of their questions had been answered before they got to my question time.Dave

DEAR DAVE: I like the idea of setting "office hours," but most cubicle farm dwellers don't get to use caution tape to mark off their space.

I agree that giving people time to solve their own problems often results in -- people solving their own problems.

But shush -- don't tell my co-workers; otherwise my career as the office "Lucy van Pelt" wouldn't last long.