Wed too soon, now she wants to run away

DEAR AMY: I attended a very religious university, where 50 percent of the student body is married before they graduate.

I succumbed to the societal pressure and got married during my senior year. Now, at 22, I have been married for 11 months and am very unhappy.

I no longer have any personal friends, and every dollar I earn is disappearing to pay for his graduate school. My husband is a wonderful person, we do not fight and have similar interests, but I married him after knowing him for only six months and do not love him. I want to be independent and have my own life, where I can concentrate on my own career and social life. I desperately want a divorce. I want to end this marriage before any children or property complicates it, but I am so scared of the shame and reactions from our conservative families. I keep thinking that I should simply "run away" and cut off all contact from my family and his, so all the blame for the separation can be put on me, but I know that is not the mature solution. My whole life I have been afraid to step on the toes of my conservative family and peers. I don't see their religion to be rational, so why should I be rational now?Wannabe Runaway

DEAR WANNABE: Because this is a persistent fantasy for you, you should put the concept of running away in your back pocket, as something you would do only after you've tried everything else (including trying to make your marriage work).

Choose to behave with integrity.

Don't blame your husband, whom you describe as a wonderful person. Allow him to be wonderful to you by discussing this issue honestly.

You should explore this carefully. Seek out the counsel of someone who is older, wiser, understanding, supportive and sympathetic.

See family pressure for what it is -- an expression of desperation on the part of people who cannot ultimately live your life for you.