What to share after sister's suicide

DEAR AMY: My dear sister took her own life nine years ago at age 45, having suffered from mental illness for most of her adult life. When she was 20, my sister married a man who had little compassion and his own drug problems. They had two children during all this chaos and then divorced. The kids were estranged for a time from their mom, partly due to her ex-husband's constant

smears, but the last few years of her life she had a pretty good relationship with her children, and I was happy for that. At the time of my sister's death, the kids were both young adults. Soon after her death, I received a notebook of various items belonging to my sister. Among them are notes she kept, on the advice of her divorce lawyer, concerning her ex-husband. There are notes taken that are not complimentary about her ex, and what she went through before, during and after the divorce. There also are personal recommendations that were given to my sister that say lovely things about her, as well as cards and pictures. (Despite her problems, she was a sweet child, woman and mother.) I wish to send this whole notebook to her daughter (she's 31). Should I take out things that are not complimentary to the father? Or should I send everything, because it is her mother's history? It feels wrong to "pick and choose" just to keep the unpleasant side of things hidden. -- Missing My SisDEAR MISSING: Records gathered and kept during a relationship's lowest point (divorce) represent a perspective designed to present one person's most negative behavior. Because your sister is gone and can't edit this portion of her personal papers, you have to ask yourself, "What purpose will sharing this serve?"

In this case, I think you should edit the notebook, pass the material about your sister along to her daughter, and let her know you have redacted portions having to do with their divorce. If she wants to see them, share them with her.