When nudity at home becomes a problem

DEAR AMY: I am the father of two boys and a 3-year-old girl. My wife is concerned about my daughter seeing me naked when I change clothes or take a shower. I grew up in a family with two brothers and it was never an issue to see my brothers, mom or dad nude. My wife has a sister and never remembers seeing her dad naked when she was growing up. My wife has a very bad and negative body image and I don't want my daughter to be that way. What age is recommended for a daughter to stop seeing her father naked and vice versa? I want her to grow up healthy mentally.

--Not Bashful Dad

DEAR DAD: Every family is different, as your story illustrates. And while body shame is not a good thing, body privacy is.

There is a real difference. Shame is when you hide your body because you are afraid of or ashamed of it. Privacy is when you keep your body private because it belongs to you and you might not want to share it by having other people look at it.

Generally, 3-year-olds are starting to become aware of their own bodies and their body parts. Your daughter should be taught the correct names for her body parts and for yours, her mom's and her brothers'.

At around her age, she should also start to learn that her body is her own and that she has a right to keep it private (this is what her mother chooses to do) if she wants to.

Privacy doesn't translate into a bad body image unless your daughter is taught that her body is something to be ashamed of.

Although I think it's perfectly OK for your daughter to see her dad and brothers nude, as she grows older you should be aware of and responsive to her own sensitivities. If your nudity embarrasses her -- even if it doesn't embarrass you -- then it's time to wear a towel.