When to intervene with strangers' behavior

DEAR AMY: On vacation recently I was admiring a beautiful waterfall in the Sierra Nevada. Then I heard a man yell, "Because you're an adult!" From behind some trees appeared the man, an adult woman and a child. I considered saying something to the man about his behavior, but concerned that he would attack me, I did nothing.

What would you have done?Allergic to Abuse

DEAR ALLERGIC: Aside from my day job -- where I constantly insert myself into other people's lives -- I try not to interfere with people or comment on their behavior unless it is extreme, directed at a child, or has a direct impact on me or my family.

One adult yelling at another in front of a child is not good -- there is no question about that. But this is an example of terrible parenting and to my mind doesn't rise to the level of abuse. But I wasn't there. You were.

People freak out on vacation. And for all you know, the adult who was yelling was actually answering the question: "Why shouldn't I let our child jump into the gorge?" If you witness behavior you think is abusive, you first have to try to assess the level of risk to you and the victim. If you feel you can safely do so, you should say, "Is everything all right?" This puts the party on notice that he or she is being observed.

In this context, if you were afraid that the situation was dangerous or escalating, you should have notified a park ranger.

DEAR AMY: Concerning the letter from "Conflicted," regarding the family friend who steals from a restaurant by using a water cup for self-serve soda, Conflicted should consider paying for the soda after the fact and announce to her friend that she has paid for it. This will either embarrass the thief so that she no longer does it or at least stimulate a conversation about stealing and the bad example it sets for the children.Vernon