Widowed dad is dating an ex-con

DEAR AMY: My mother died 18 months ago. Within three months, my father began dating "Charlene." The entire family thought it was too early but let him deal with his loneliness in his own way. Charlene then moved into his house with her daughter and granddaughter. She said and did several things that worried us. She doesn't have a job, the police have visited his home, neighbors reported hearing arguments, etc. My siblings and I discovered that she has multiple felony convictions for financial crimes. We confronted my father with this, and he informed us that she told him about her history and that she'd changed. Her last conviction was seven years ago. We've made it clear that this woman will not be included in family events and is not welcome in our homes. We're angry at my father for bringing her into our lives with no warning about her criminal history. He says if we don't include her, then we shouldn't bother inviting him, either. My father is 66, so he can make his own decisions. We don't want to exclude him, but can't include her. Thoughts?Distraught Daughter

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: Your desire to exclude "Charlene" from family events in your home is understandable.

Unfortunately, the very traits she displays that make you want to exclude her are also the reasons you need to stay connected to this couple - at least on some level.

You should tolerate Charlene in order to see your father. If you don't want to host her in your home, make sure to include her in events outside your home. You need to establish and maintain enough of a relationship so you will be able to spend time in your father's house to observe how things are going for him.

Unfortunately, his choices will affect your relationship, but total estrangement isn't good for any of you.

Your father might be willing to talk with you and your siblings in the presence of a counselor; this issue is serious enough to pull in a professional.