Woman abused as a teen wants closure

DEAR AMY: A close family member touched me inappropriately when I was in my early teens. I tried to keep quiet about it, but the experience was disgusting. I told my mother, who in turn confronted the man, who, of course, denied it.

He went to the rest of my family and spread vicious rumors about me and my mother, calling me a liar -- and this created a schism in a once-close family. It took years to repair this, and I feel it still isn't normal. It has been six years since the incident, and I have not spoken to the man since. However, this haunts me daily, and I feel extreme guilt over the entire situation. I feel I need some sort of closure with the family member before it is too late, although I don't want a relationship with him. I don't know if I should apologize for something I don't think was my fault.Distraught

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: You may never get closure with the family member who did this -- people who commit this kind of crime and then lie about it aren't usually respectful of the victim's needs -- but you should seek some resolution.

This incident has traumatized you, and talking about it with someone who understands how you might be feeling will help you immeasurably.

You deserve to reclaim your dignity, and you can start by believing that this was not your fault. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.

The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network is the nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. The organization's website is an excellent source of information and support; it should be your first contact: rainn.org.

RAINN now offers an online hotline where you can communicate with a trained counselor, or you can call 800-656- HOPE (4673) 24 hours a day.

You also can find a local crisis center and counselor through the website; when I typed my own ZIP code into the search engine, several popped up. Please reach out and talk to someone today.