Worried about overnight arrangements

DEAR AMY: My 10-year-old daughter was invited to a sleepover. I knew the child's mother from school activities, so I didn't have a problem with it. I was helping my daughter pack a bag when she confessed that she really didn't feel comfortable sleeping there and asked if her friend could come to our house instead. She told me her friend said her dad sleeps with her every night. She said it's because she has nightmares. In order not to make a situation more uncomfortable, I contacted the mother and told her what my daughter said and asked if it would be all right if her daughter came over to our house. The woman hung up on me. Was I being prudish or too straightforward? I've asked people what they thought of this. Some people don't have a problem with it, and others have labeled the father a monster. How do I face the woman? The girls still hang out together as if nothing happened. Should I apologize? A 10-year-old child is close to puberty, if you know what I mean. Worried

DEAR WORRIED: The most important thing for your family is that this made your daughter uncomfortable, and she did the right thing to tell you.

You also did the right thing to tell this mom what was behind your daughter's hesitation. However, I think that more parents co-sleep for benign reasons than people realize.

All the same, this family is learning the hard way that an opposite-gender parent should not sleep with a child -- at the very least because people have a tendency to assume the worst.

If you have a serious concern, you should speak to the school counselor who can follow up with the family. It's not a good idea to gossip.

Encourage the friendship and continue to invite the girl over. But if she genuinely can't sleep through the night without her dad nearby, she'd have a problem on a sleepover. Face the mother with the knowledge that you've made a decision based on your best judgment.