Your sister needs help beyond money

DEAR AMY: I am a stay-at-home mom of two children. We live comfortably in an affluent suburb. The problem is my sister. She lives in another state. She is divorced and constantly needs money. She has been fired from several jobs. She blew through her inheritance, lost a house to foreclosure, has no savings and is facing eviction. She is also a defendant in a lawsuit over something that happened years ago and is facing possible jail time. She is 48. She regularly asks us for money for food, dog food (she is a breeder and has as many as 10 dogs), money so that her utilities don't get turned off -- and on and on. We've "helped" her over the past several years, giving her more than $12,000. She constantly guilts me into sending her money by telling me how much she hates her life and how lucky I am. She has even threatened suicide. She equates financial help with love.

Our other sister finally cut her off. My husband is now at the end of his rope. I have told him time and again that this will be the last time I "help" her, but I always seem to cave. How do I cut her off when I know she doesn't have money for the basics? Sad Sister

DEAR SAD: Sending you on guilt trips is your sister's current profession, and she seems to be making a living at it.

It might help you to stiffen your spine if you realized that this financial dynamic helps keep her right where she is: on the margins. Understanding this should help you say no.

Your sister might have mental health problems that impede her ability to function well, but she won't have to face reality as long as you can rescue her.

Tell your sister that you love her but you won't give her any more money. Urge her to get professional help and offer to set up an appointment for her.

If she threatens suicide, tell her to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.