Listen to students on Pride issues: They know the consequences when safe spaces are taken away
Faculty, parents, and students protest the Connetquot School District's ban on the display of the rainbow flag in the classroom on Oct. 11. Credit: Jeff Bachner
You may have heard about the Connetquot school district's decision to ban Pride and Progress Pride flags from its classrooms.
But did you really listen?
District administrators had asked a high school math teacher, who advises the Gay-Straight Alliance, to remove from her classroom wall the Progress Pride flag, which expands upon the rainbow flag by adding colors to represent people of color, the transgender community, and those who are living with, or died from, AIDS.
In a so-called "compromise," officials told the teacher the regular Pride flag could stay. After the teacher rejected that, the district banned all flags in classrooms other than the state or American flag, saying they violated a policy prohibiting political activity.
The too-familiar political noise, culture wars and ugly rhetoric exploded, sending hundreds to a Connetquot school board meeting last week.
In between the angry adults and flag-wavers, more than a half-dozen students approached the microphone in turn.
Peel away the politics, protests and podcasts. That's not what this is about.
Listen to them.
"This is not a debate over the colorful fabric," said a senior named Jack. "This is a debate over a message — a message that emphasizes togetherness, acceptance and pride. I am disgusted that this could cause such an uproar in the 21st century, and especially in my own backyard."
Said senior Daniella Craig: "I can't really comprehend how something as simple as an inclusive flag could spark this kind of controversy. This is not meant to be anything but a way to let people in, to let people feel loved, to let people feel included in our community."
Some questioned the reasoning behind the flag-banning decision.
"What does my sexuality have to do with politics?" asked one speaker, identifying only as a gay high school student.
Still others pointed to the policy's ramifications.
"I understand that a top priority for the school board has been to help kids with their mental health," a Connetquot junior said. "I'm here to tell you that one of the worst things you can do for our collective mental health was taking down a progressive Pride flag."
Many students, the junior noted, lacked a safe space at home, and now no longer have one at school.
"If I'm being completely honest, I'm terrified for my friends and for myself," the high school junior added. "This could become a mental health crisis and yet the only things the adults we turn to care about is their politics."
Other students said the consequences could become even more severe.
"Many of you here that are against this will never understand what it's like to be discriminated against because of this and I'm glad you won't, because it's awful and it sucks," said Connetquot junior Katie Flynn. "Being LGBTQ isn’t a choice — and no matter how hard you try or wish or pray for it to go away, it's never going to …"
"Having a flag that represents everybody in a classroom isn’t just representation," Flynn concluded. "It's suicide prevention."
Added a sophomore: "I don't want to see another person, let alone another queer kid, commit suicide, because that affects us all … Why is a flag hurting someone? Why is seeing stripes so harmful?"
And Connetquot senior Marissa Freeman, who said hundreds of students have signed a petition to place the flags back on the wall, provided the board with its path forward.
Said Freeman: "We would like the flags back up, we would like an apology and we would like board members who will actually listen to the students affected by the policies they put in place."
Listen to them.
Columnist Randi F. Marshall's opinions are her own.
Randi Marshall is a member of the Newsday editorial board.
