Filler: Why the Cain candidacy can't last

It's going to be sad if what derails Herman Cain's presidential bid are old allegations of sexual harassment. It's not that such actions aren't repugnant. It's just that, on the voluminous list titled "Things That Should Keep Herman Cain From Being President," they don't make the first page.

It's like saying Cher can't be pope because her hair's too long, or the obstacle in Danny DeVito's quest for the title of Mr. Olympia is hairy calves.

Herman Cain, the front-runner of the week, never wanted to be president. He just wants to stimulate book sales and pump up speaking fees. He has no national campaign structure and spends more time at signings than campaign events.

Cain tried to make the fact that he's not running for president clear with a recent campaign commercial: It featured a mildly unattractive, middle-aged, male campaign worker blowing cigarette smoke into a camera. It's not even an effective commercial for cigarettes, and might further depress the market for mildly unattractive middle-aged men. The subtle message was, "I'm Herman Cain, and I want my life back. Please do not tell pollsters you will vote for me. Tell them Ron Paul. They freakin' hate that."

Cain's previous runs for office include a stab at the presidency in 2000 that was absolutely unforgettable, in the sense that it's not possible to forget things we never knew about, and a run for U.S. Senate. Do you know what state he ran in? Against whom? When? How he did? Does it seem as if, were he a legitimate presidential candidate, you would know these things about him?

So you know, it was Georgia, in 2004, and he lost the Republican senatorial primary to eventual winner Johnny Isakson, garnering 26 percent of the vote.

Cain has one significant idea, the 9-9-9 tax plan. It would replace the current code with 9 percent levies on sales, income and corporate earnings.

The result would be a massive increase in taxes on the poor and middle class, a mammoth windfall for the wealthy, and hundreds of billions of dollars tacked on to our deficit each year. If you want to see the Chinese government foreclose on Mount Rushmore while former PTA presidents foment armed rebellions, 9-9-9 is the plan for you.

Am I to believe the Republicans, who gave us the color-coded terrorist threat scale, will nominate for president a man who said, "When they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan, I'm going to say, you know, I don't know. Do you know? And then I'm going to say how's that going to create one job?"

Cain's Senate campaign was largely predicated on his being the most virulent Republican abortion opponent in Georgia (top that!) and claims that the mission of Planned Parenthood was in utero genocide against black babies. But recently he said of abortion laws: "It's not the government's role -- or anybody else's role -- to make that decision. So what I'm saying is, it ultimately gets down to a choice that that family or that mother has to make. Not me as president. Not some politician. Not a bureaucrat. It gets down to that family. And whatever they decide, they decide." That's bizarre, even by Cain campaign standards.

Luckily, he was able to clear up the confusion later by going back to saying abortion is wrong even in the case of rape or incest and Planned Parenthood is . . . oh, you know.

The debate over the import and impact of sexual harassment charges will rage on, but it misses the point in this instance. When it comes to choosing a president, we shouldn't be talking about allegations against Herman Cain, not because they don't matter, but because we shouldn't be talking about Herman Cain at all.Lane Filler is a member of the Newsday editorial board.