Looking for my birth mother

It's the journey of a lifetime, and all roads lead to Long Island.

It's here I hope to learn more about my birth mother, who I'm told lived on Long Island when I was born.

Every day, I'm fortunate to find glimpses of myself in my 14-year-old daughter - a raised eyebrow, the droll sense of humor, a penchant for hair-twisting, the hands-on-hips stance I apparently adopt way too often.

But I want more. Because I'm an adoptee, key threads to my past are missing. So many of the things people take for granted about themselves are mysteries to me. I need to know who I look, think and act like - where I fit in.

Files at a family services agency in Westchester County say I was born Feb. 15, 1966, in Yonkers - 5 pounds, 15 ounces, both feet first. Because New York State law keeps identifying information secret, the other details are vague.

My birth mother was 18, blond and Episcopalian. Her mother was a school switchboard operator; her dad was a paint contracting foreman. There were scant details about my birth father; it seems I was the result of a teen romance.

My adoptive parents had a big clue: When they signed the papers that made me theirs many months later, my adoptive mother saw my first mother's name. Now that I was searching, she shared it and I have been able to give it to people I've enlisted in my search.

Along the way, I have made some amazing connections. My hometown newspaper in Connecticut published an essay about my search in 2009. Author Lorraine Dusky of Sag Harbor, who runs an online forum about adoption, referred to my essay on her blog and then kindly fielded my many questions.

She led me to Jennifer Lengyel-Royal of Michigan. She is a court-sanctioned go-between in adoption cases. Using her search skills and public records, Jennifer created a list of possible candidates.

Iris Quigley, a Newsday librarian who is a friend of a friend, culled the newspaper's archives for obituaries that might yield clues. And Sally Rein, research librarian at Patchogue-Medford Library, sent me copies of phone book pages from the late 1960s.

Priscilla Sharp, a Pennsylvania genealogist who has helped many birth parents and adoptees connect, is parsing the details collected so far, looking for a match. I hope she can solve my case.

Of course, I also hope that someone reading this can help, too. More bits of me will be reflected in my daughter tomorrow and the next day, but I need more than those glimpses to answer my many questions.

Terri S. Vanech lives in Old Greenwich, Conn. Her e-mail address is terrisv@att.net

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