OPINION: Calorie counts on menus? Too much information

Jane CoCo Cowles, a tax attorney who lives in Manhattan, is co-chair of the Students & New Lawyers Committee of the New York Women's Bar Association. She blogs at www.taxattorneyinthecity.com.

I am a foodie, but not in any way you may think. I am terrified of food, have been for years.

I confess: I am anorexic, but I'm working on my disorder.

But there's one thing that doesn't help me, and oddly enough, it's something that causes problems for people fighting obesity as well: It's those menus on the walls of restaurants that list the caloric content in food.

New York City has been requiring posted calorie counts in certain restaurants for almost two years. And over the course of this year, Nassau and Suffolk counties will join it.

For many people, it is certainly helpful to know that the sandwich they are about to order may contain more calories than they should be consuming.

But for me, perhaps for other anorexics and for those battling obesity, these postings provoke intense anxiety.

The anxiety is irrational, of course, but aren't most anxieties?

Why would I have so much agita when I walk into a restaurant and see calories posted on the menu?

Even though I know I need to consume more calories, the irrational part of my mind denies me the pleasure of consuming tasty caloric treats. When I see calories listed, a mental tug-of-war ensues. Do I indulge or restrict?

Hmmm, let's see . . . I can get the skim, sugar-free vanilla latte, but pass on the raspberry scone because if I got it I'd exceed my self-imposed calorie budget. Or I could have the reduced-fat blueberry crumb cake and black coffee.

I flip-flop between the two choices until I break into a sweat and become dizzy. Finally, when it's my turn in line, I'm rendered mute.

Fearful and tempted to just leave this world of caloric hell, I blurt out, "I'll have a tall skim, sugar-free vanilla latte." A sense of relief passes over me, but I'm not satisfied. I feel deprived because I really wanted something decadent. But my eating disorder wouldn't allow me.

Anorexia is an obsessive form of denial. Calorically dense, high-fat, high-carb foods are indulgent, and the anorexic does not feel she deserves to be decadent. She's ashamed of her cravings. By restricting, she can make her denial in some way admirable. She feels other people will envy her will power.

When calories aren't posted on menus - when they aren't so unavoidable - indulging in a treat becomes easier; the evidence of being decadent - consuming calories - is out of sight. While calorie-conscious dieters can ask to see a pamphlet with the nutrition information of menu items, someone with an eating disorder cannot block out the numbers posted right in front of them.

So in this strange way, I share something with someone who is obese: the panic inspired by seeing posted calories.

Such information surely provides an important public-health service, and I'm not suggesting the information not be available. But perhaps restaurants should hand out cards with a calorie chart to customers who request them. In my case, at least, ignorance might mean a bowl full of goodies I would otherwise deny myself.