Iris Liu, a senior at Manhasset Secondary School (grades 7-12), wrote this fictional satire based on the state Department of Education's Nov. 17 request that state schools replace Native American mascots by the end of the 2022-23 school year.

On Nov. 29, Dean Schlanger, principal of Manhasset Secondary School, announced the school’s new mascot would be “White Guy.”

“We wanted to dive into our roots and truly find the perfect mascot to present Manhasset’s rich history,” Schlanger said. “After weeks of meticulous planning and discussions, I believe we have finally found the right one.”

Previously, Manhasset Secondary School had adopted a Native American theme in almost every aspect of its school district. That included but was not limited to naming the school sports teams as the Manhasset Indians, the school newspaper as The Indian Ink, and having the school logo be a capital M wearing an “Indian feather."

“Many other educational institutions have chosen names of white guys such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison,” Schlanger said. “However, we, as the Manhasset White Guys, will honor traditions more than anything else. We will thus not name our white guy mascot, preserving the tradition of having a previously nameless Indian mascot.”

The school has also commissioned a $20,000 White Guy statue to replace the Native American sculpture in front of the school's main office.

The new “White Guy'' mascot is receiving increasing support from the student population. At sports events, cheerleaders have already started chanting, “Let’s go, White Guys! Let’s go!” instead of the old-fashioned “Let’s go, Indians!”

“I can’t wait for our school newspaper to be renamed White Guy Ink, too,” a Manhasset junior said. “I think it sounds so much cooler.”

Iris Liu, Manhasset

Editor's Note: Earlier versions on some devices were missing the disclaimer precede that this is a fictional satire.

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