Post-pandemic return to work poses touchy situations
Etiquette expert: If you have the urge to sanitize after a handshake, wait until the other party walks away. Credit: Getty Images/Justin Sullivan
As more workers return to the office, navigating the new normal of office etiquette can be a bit stressful.
Do you greet co-workers with a handshake, elbow bump or maybe a namaste bow?
Well, there isn’t any right or wrong answer, experts say.
“It’s really going to vary,” says Thomas P. Farley, founder of Manhattan-based What Manners Most, who pens a nationally syndicated etiquette column, Ask Mister Manners. “It’s a person-to-person decision.”
For some who are extroverts and feel secure in their own health and that of those around them, there are few concerns, but for others it can be very stressful, he says.
“There are people before anyone even heard of COVID who hated shaking hands and thought it was gross and germy,” says Farley, who’s currently offering companies a course called “To Shake or Not to Shake.”
His best advice is “take the cue, not the lead,” meaning approach the person with a friendly demeanor and wait for the other person to extend their hand. If they don’t extend a hand and you don’t want to, then no further discussion is needed, he says.
But if it’s unclear and you want to extend a hand, you can smile, laugh and say, ‘Not sure what to do here. Should we shake hands?’" says Farley.
Thomas P. Farley, also known as Mister Manners. Credit: Thomas P. Farley
Bow to new normal
The pandemic has opened us up to many greetings beyond the handshake, Farley says. For instance, a namaste bow could be effective, depending on the situation.
“During these times, a smile, eye contact and a polite nod are acceptable,” says Joan Jerkens, a Huntington-based etiquette trainer and consultant and the founder of Act As If Etiquette & Protocol.
Like Farley, she believes it’s important to read people’s body language because it can indicate their comfort level.
Upon greeting, you can try extending your hand and see how they react, she says. But you also could set boundaries on your own personal space, Jerkens says.
If someone extends a hand to you and you don’t want to make contact, you can say something like, "I’m not shaking hands at this time, but it’s great seeing you again," she says.
“It is most important to acknowledge and introduce yourself and others," she says, "...but be respectful and mindful of people’s concerns."
Bumper sticklers
Daniel Burns, a financial adviser with Wells Fargo Advisors in Great Neck, he finds “95% of people are comfortable with a fist bump and 5% of the time someone will throw me an elbow bump instead.”
He, himself, is OK with a handshake, but he pays careful attention to “people’s body language and nonverbal cues.” If he visits a client at home, “I take a giant step back before they open the door to give them the space and show me how they would like me to proceed,” he says.
Masks are off in most workplaces he’s entered at this point, but Burns always has one available if it would make a cautious co-worker or client feel more comfortable.
He said there’s definitely some confusion, and the topic of fist bumps came up at an etiquette dinner he recently organized with Jerkens.
Daniel Burns, a financial adviser with Wells Fargo Advisors in Great Neck, with Joan Jerkens, founder of Act As If Etiquette & Protocol, a Huntington-based etiquette trainer/consultant. Credit: Linda Burns
What he’s found is that “the fist bump’s the new handshake,” Burns says.
The key, though, is to be flexible.
Respect others' preferences, says Raghida Abdallah Yassine, assistant professor of management at the Robert B. Willumstad School of Business at Adelphi University in Garden City.
Adjust for comfort level
“Each person has their own comfort level,” Yassine says.
It also pays to communicate, she says.
“Don’t be afraid to come out and ask, ‘Are you shaking hands?’” she says.
Also don’t be afraid to say how you feel, Yassine says. For example, "I’m still doing some distancing because my child is unvaccinated," is appropriate.
Raghida Abdallah Yassine, assistant professor of management at the Robert B. Willumstad School of Business at Adelphi University in Garden City. Credit: Raghida Abdallah Yassine
Realize you’re not alone in the uncertainty, she says.
“I think everyone has hesitation about the protocols of how to act,” says Eva LaMere, president of Austin Williams, a Hauppauge-based ad and digital marketing agency.
Employees returned to the office on a permanent hybrid schedule in February and are fully vaccinated, creating more ease within the office, she says.
She says she hasn’t come across resistance in shaking hands.
“I’m a handshaker unless I see someone is very standoffish,” LaMere says.
She said things are pretty much back to normal in the office. “We all know each other are vaccinated, so we can let our guard down a bit,” she says.
Eva LaMere, president of Austin Williams, in Hauppauge offices with Rita O’Connor, the firm's integrated media coordinator. Credit: Credit: Courtesy Austin Williams.
Some don'ts to consider:
Don’t ask people why are you wearing a mask or mock them, says Farley.
And if you’re going to sanitize your hands and someone is present, do it before the handshake, not after, he says. (Or wait until they've left.)
“All good etiquette exists to make those around us feel comfortable, not uncomfortable,” Farley says.
Fast Fact
More than two years into the pandemic, one in five workers are not comfortable returning to the workplace. It's a reason you should be tolerant and patient when greeting co-workers.
Source: Conference Board survey (https://www.conference-board.org/press/Returning-to-the-Workplace)
