7 reasons 'Machete' will be awesome
The story about how "Machete," a trailer used in the Robert Rodriguez-Quentin Tarantino movie "Grindhouse," has become a real movie is still somewhat mindboggling.
With all its violence, most of which is intended to be comedic, there's a good chance that this will turn into a stinker of a movie, a $12 one-off for movie fans.
Or, it could be the greatest movie ever made.
Or maybe just somewhere in between. Here are seven reasons we think "Machete" will be awesome:
1) Robert De Niro
He's Bobby D. In a film about an ex-federale who seeks vengeance. Normally, that would have sounding the "Rocky and Bullwinkle" alarm, but for some reason, this feels right.
2) Steven Seagal
The ultimate movie knife fighter just had to be in a movie named "Machete," right? Right! Although the title goes against Seagal's penchant for three-word movie titles, we look forward to his duel with the man they call Machete.
3) Michelle Rodriguez
OK, fine, lead actress Jessica Alba is hot. But there's something about Michelle Rodriguez. Maybe it's that smile. Or those eyes. Or that bad-ass attitude. The leather pants don't hurt either. I almost walked out of "Fast and Furious" when she died in the first 20 minutes of the movie. Vin Diesel is awesome and all, but c'mon.
4) Danny Trejo's mustache
Trejo plays "Machete," the lead character in a movie starring the above-named people, plus Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Cheech Marin and Jeff Fahey. We have a sneaky suspicion, however, that Trejo's mustache will steal a few scenes.
5) Lindsay Lohan
Going to the movies requires ticketgoers to suspend at least some disbelief most of the time. So forget all the real-life drama surrounding Lohan of late and just focus on her role in "Machete." She plays a nun with a gun. Repeat. She plays a nun with a gun. Compelling enough already in regular big-screen roles, this one should be a dandy.
6) It's 'Desperado' . . .
. . . but better and funnier (we hope). Rodriguez has also directed "El Mariachi," the original version of "Desperado," and "Once Upon a Time in Mexico," a sequel to "Desperado."
7) Sick cast
Let's just run down the "Machete" cast once more: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey
