Making peace with the past to appreciate the present

DEAR AMY: As I've entered my later golden years, I often think about mistakes I've made -- people I've wronged, people who have wronged me, poor financial decisions, things I should have done (but didn't) and things I shouldn't have done but did. I'd like to go back, reboot and correct everything. I need a cure for this, so I can stop thinking about my mistakes, since we don't get a second chance in life to fix them. What advice can you offer about how to think only of the future?

-- Willard

DEAR WILLARD: Instead of thinking only of the future, one must learn to live in the moment -- that's today's moment, with its unmade bed, undone chores, and the reality of past mistakes and losses: all those things you've done and left undone. Of course it is not too late -- it is never too late -- to apologize to someone, to ask for forgiveness or to try to right a wrong. Do this where you can.

A therapist once advised me to write my own obituary. Creating this document helps you see the totality of your life, along with noting those things for which you'd like to be remembered.

I also will offer up a wise concept I've heard expressed in many different ways. This is a quote from the book "The Natural" by Bernard Malamud: "We have two lives . . . the life we learn with and the life we live after that. Suffering is what brings us toward happiness." Make a determination to start to live your second life.

DEAR AMY: I felt like I was reading my own story when I saw the letter from "Concerned Dad" in your column. This dad was being pressured to contribute to an expensive wedding for an unemployed couple. He refused. My wife and I were pressured under identical circumstances, but we spent thousands of dollars we didn't really have. Our son (still unemployed) no longer speaks to us. Lose-lose.

-- Disgusted Dad

DEAR DAD: I am very sorry about this.