Survey: Some say bah humbug to being nice
Illustration from the 1966 movie Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas." Credit: AP
Jolly Santas, laughing skaters, doves and cherubs wishing us peace on earth.
Such holiday images may make the season bright, but some people have a different attitude: They dread having to be nice this time of year.
That apprehension of having to summon up goodwill was one finding of the holiday "jeers" survey released this week by the Consumer Reports National Research Center, which asked what Americans stressed over the most at this time of year. Fifteen percent of the 1,013 adults interviewed by phone in early November said they despise having to be nice during the holidays.
Topping the list were crowds and long lines, 68 percent; gaining weight, 37 percent; and getting into debt, 37 percent.
What could be at the root of people's resentment over being nice? Certainly plenty of generous people, especially those who can't say no, get overwhelmed with the added opportunities to be nice this time of year -- organizing the office-giving initiative, baking for all the holiday receptions.
People have to take care they don't overcommit, even if the activities are worthwhile, says Aoifa O'Donnell, chief executive of National EAP, a Ronkonkoma-based employee assistance program.
She points to family dynamics as a key reason ordinarily easygoing people might gag at the thought of being nice -- having to smile through the predictable conflicts that come with family gatherings. There's pressure to try to make reality conform with the "fantasy happiness" that's expected this time of year, she says.
"I'm not sure people dread being nice as much as acting nice when they're not feeling that way," says Robert F. Bornstein, a professor in the Derner Institute of Advanced Psychological Studies at Adelphi University.
Also, he says, these stressors build, so while people may feel fairly cheerful now, they may experience "holiday burnout" a couple of weeks down the road.
Still, how much effort does it take to smile and say "thank you" to that beleaguered cashier? None, says MaryAnn Jones, a Manhasset-based health coach, who helps people with food and lifestyle choices. And those small acts of kindness can actually help us relieve stress and guilt, "two things we have way too much of."
