A perfect wedding gift for a couple who may not get married

DEAR AMY: I am wondering about proper gift-giving etiquette when it comes to a combined engagement party/ wedding reception that is being held nearly a year before the actual wedding. This is in celebration of one of my husband's co-workers and her fiance. The couple has a rocky "on again, off again" relationship. They are notoriously irresponsible with their finances. The wedding will be a destination wedding a year away. But on the invitation we received, they are requesting their wedding gifts now! They are registered to a bank account. Does this sound fishy? There was no indication on the invitation that the bank account was linked to a separate wedding fund or anything. I say, give nothing until the deal has been sealed, especially given their relationship history and the fact that the party is a backyard barbecue. My husband says, give half the amount of the wedding gift now and the other half next year after they are officially married. What is your opinion?

--Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: You can't apply "proper gift-giving etiquette" to an event where the hosts don't seem to know the difference between an engagement and a shakedown.

Your husband's idea of contributing a down payment is businesslike and intriguing. Will they marry and receive the second payment? If they don't marry at all or on time, will the couple return the first payment? If you go this route, you might want to draw up a contract.

Just because a couple demands money doesn't mean you have to give it.

I usually give books to engaged couples. For these two, I'd suggest one by my favorite arbiter of, well, just about everything: Judith Martin, aka "Miss Manners." Martin's latest book, wryly co-authored with her daughter, Jacobina Martin, is just right for the occasion: "Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding" (W.W. Norton & Co.).