Accentuate the positive to find someone

DEAR SUSAN: I'm a 55-year-old man who has never been in a serious relationship and who wants to get into the dating scene. I live in a New York suburb, am financially secure and own my home. I'm a decent guy with average looks and excellent health. My feeling is that most desirable women would reject someone in his 50s who hasn't had a serious relationship -- even a man who has a lot going for him. I've stopped trying. What do you think?

From the Single File blogDEAR BLOGGER: My crystal ball sees a good man who sees only a part of the big picture of his life, the negatives. Instead of bemoaning your lack of experience with relationships, be thankful you don't have the complications of a former family. You've used the time to buy a home and secure your finances. How many people can say that?

Your next move is to sidestep negativism. A shift in emphasis will lead you to interesting people. There are two ways to find them: interest groups and a dating site aimed at your age group -- OurTime.com. This site has potential for you, with people of the same generation and (probably) outlook. You know you have a lot going for you. Make the presentation.

But don't forget your interests and how they can lead you to men and women you'd probably never meet any other way. Think of it: easy conversations with people sharing a common passion. Both doors are open and welcoming. This could be your time.

DEAR SUSAN: If a woman isn't sure she's attracted to a guy who asks her out, should she still date him? If there isn't a strong initial attraction, should she even try? If after one or two dates there's still nothing, does she tell him she wants to be only friends? When I do that, they get angry. I don't make them pay for dates or flirt. I'm just polite and talkative and laughy on dates.

From the Single File blogDEAR BLOGGER: You aren't sure whether you're sexually attracted to a man? About 99.9 percent of the time, either your innards are stirred the first time you're with him or the viscera remain absolutely calm, except perhaps for a low-grade sensation of friendly liking. Nothing more.

However, there is that 0.1 percent of the time when physical attraction comes later; the lightning bolt can be even more intense for its being delayed. It's not for the faint of heart: it takes patience, discipline and strength of faith to wait around and give this dawning its own time.

It's a tough call, one of the trickiest in Singleworld. Guys, what's your take?