Act now to get back in grandkids' lives

DEAR AMY: Before my son's children started school, my wife and I kept the kids each weekday while he and his wife worked. Our daughter-in-law's family lived several hundred miles away. Now that the children are older and the in-laws have retired and located nearby, they are in town often and have trips planned for both families on school holidays and during the summer. Our son and daughter-in-law have stressful jobs, and we try to be understanding when the family is unavailable if we suggest doing things together. However, they always seem to have time to spend with the other side of the family. School holidays are spent on vacations with the other grandparents. This one-sided relationship has us depressed and hurt. It's up to our son to include his parents, but he leaves the planning to his wife. We seem to be slowly losing our grandchildren.Unhappy Grandfather

DEAR UNHAPPY: Don't wait for your son to advocate for you. Call your daughter-in-law to get on the schedule, and if you have a vacation idea, run it past her. Stress that you would like to attend school and sporting events and have the kids for overnight. Your grandchildren's school has a website that will list activities. Communicate directly with your grandchildren about events you can attend.

Caring for these children at the start of their lives is a big, important and lifelong gift to them. You should be proud of the job you did, and this couple should work harder to celebrate this relationship and help it grow.

DEAR AMY: A while back, you published a letter from a pregnant stepmother who was worried that her teenage stepdaughter seemed thrown off and upset by her pregnancy. When my daughter was about 15, her wonderful stepmother had a baby. I was concerned that my daughter's close relationship with her stepmother and her father might suffer, especially since we lived far away from them. However, my own anxiety was put to rest when my daughter's stepmom called my daughter from the hospital to say, "You have a new baby brother. Now it'll be more important than ever that you come to see us a lot so he can get to know his big sister!" We all rejoiced in the news of that baby's birth.Grateful Mother

DEAR MOTHER: Your open attitude and emotional support of your daughter and her father and stepmother no doubt paved the way for this happy result.

I hope that you (along with all the mothers, grandmothers, stepmoms and all those who care for and about children) have a very happy, joyful and gratitude-filled Mother's Day.