After 41 years, it's time for a split

DEAR AMY: I've been married nearly 41 years. From day one, my husband has criticized my looks and every move I make. According to him, I've never done anything right. I am so sick and tired of the constant abuse. At one point, he agreed to go to counseling, but then conveniently stayed late at work. He attacks me, and I respond by screaming about all the mean things he's done. I don't want a divorce; I just want him to stop constantly belittling me. Any

advice?

Worthless

DEAR WORTHLESS: I realize that getting a divorce seems painful, but given what you have been through for the entirety of your marriage, leaving your husband will be the only thing to bring you peace. You cannot make your husband stop belittling you, and the process of trying to get him to stop has transformed you into a screaming, nasty, unhappy person. If you can't afford a place of your own, stay with a friend or family member for now. Get counseling and legal advice.

DEAR AMY: My sister-in-law, "Betty," stopped talking to my 16-year-old daughter, "Diane," three years ago. Diane's crime: After spending a couple of hours talking to "Aunt Betty," she asked me if she could go do her homework. Betty felt Diane was being disrespectful. Since then, Betty has given Diane the silent treatment. My husband shrugs off his sister's behavior because she "has issues" and has always been the family prima donna. Betty's birthday is coming up, and a family gathering is planned. I don't feel like making my daughter, who has been hurt by her aunt, attend. How can I mitigate this situation to repair this relationship?No Respect

DEAR NO: If you are going to this family event, your daughter should go, too. In her life, she often will face uncomfortable situations, and the best she can do is to hold her head up and rise above the discomfort. "Aunt Betty" sounds like a pill. Even if your daughter was at fault in some way, three years of shunning is ridiculous. Stop trying to repair this relationship. Your daughter has felt her aunt's sting early in life. Your sister-in-law has poisoned what might have been a nice friendship. Be polite, neutral and feel sorry for a woman who must be very alone.