Ask Amy: Don't invite co-worker to wedding

DEAR AMY: I'm getting married later this year and would like to invite all of my co-workers except one. At our office holiday party, she consumed way too much alcohol and she flirted with all the men, including my fiance. She acts like this every time she consumes alcohol. My fiance's family is quite religious, and I don't want my future in-laws to think I associate with that kind of behavior. How do I hand out invitations without giving her one? She is mean and opinionated, and I know she will have an issue with this. I don't like confrontation and try to avoid it at all costs, but I have to face this one.Stressed-out Bride

DEAR BRIDE: Do not hand out your invitations at work. They should be mailed. You already are aware of the risks -- both to inviting and to not inviting her. Stiffen your spine, and face these risks honestly.

You do not have to pre-empt this by giving her a heads-up. She will undoubtedly ask if her invitation was lost in the mail. And that's when you will have to say, "I'm sorry, but you aren't being invited." You do not have to supply details -- and do not discuss this with other co-workers who may be tempted or prompted to inflate or alter your reasons.

If she asks why she isn't being invited, you should tell her, "Your behavior at social events has made me uncomfortable."

DEAR AMY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Dad," whose 12-year-old daughter from a previous marriage was having a hard time with the news that her father and stepmother were having a baby. I went through a similar situation with my daughter when she was 11. She wanted nothing to do with the baby preparations and said she would live with her father full-time once the baby arrived. Our friends and family were a great support during my pregnancy and even threw a "mommy and big sister" shower with presents and a special cake for my daughter. None of this made any difference to her. One thing that did help, although results were not immediate, was taking my daughter to a therapist so she could vent to a neutral third party. When the baby was born, my daughter was cool and aloof -- until she saw the baby in the hospital bassinet. All it took was that tiny hand, grasping her finger so tightly, and my daughter was transformed. Suddenly she was Super Sister, and her fears and anger melted away. Your advice was perfect. I hope that time and a sweet newborn baby will help this daughter accept and even embrace her new role as big sister.Sympathetic Mom in N.C.

DEAR MOM: And another "Super Sister" takes flight! Well done.