Ask Amy: Find a new pea to share your pod
DEAR AMY: I've been involved with a man for more than four years. We're in our late 50s. At the beginning of the relationship, I lived with him, but I had to move out because of his spoiled adult kids. They didn't like the fact that I was around and "monopolized all his free time." They made it very difficult for both of us. I have been in my own apartment for the past year. He and I had talked about me moving back in with him. My lease is up in February. Now he says he wants me to keep my place - indefinitely! I pay rent for an apartment that I hardly live in. By my choice, I spend pretty much every night at his place and we spend every weekend together. We are like two peas in a pod and get along great. He still wants me to continue to come to his place every night, but I feel that it's time to make some changes.
I would love marriage, but I've sort of had enough. I feel that we've proven we are a couple and everyone says we are so good together. I am not quite sure how to read the situation. My head says to "move on," but we are so good together. At the same time, I feel compromised. Any no-nonsense advice? -- Ungrateful Girlfriend
DEAR UNGRATEFUL: Quick question: Who is in charge of your life? That's right, he is. Or rather, according to you, his "spoiled adult kids" are.
You are in a relationship that is all about what the other person wants and not at all about what you want.
Cohabitation with this guy will never work because he doesn't want to live with you.
Marriage will never happen because he has no motivation (or desire, evidently) to get married.
I suggest you start living in your apartment. Get a philodendron. Acquire some interests, hobbies and friends. Find another pea to share a pod with, or, better yet, dare to spend a night alone.
You could start the process of change by not showing up at his house one night. Try it.
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